Ε.Κ. Τα Πάντα για το Παιδί ©

While I was working
What goes on in our homes, and we unwillingly don’t realize it.

We all know it is hard to keep up with the daily routine, and so often, our priorities get muddled up, and unfortunately, the most important things, get put aside.

This is a sad reality in most families’ daily lives, since the demands of today’s life are high, and time is so little.

Work, house cleaning, children, homework, time for myself, laundry, take the dog for a walk and the list goes on. The truth is, it is very unlikely to change, in the matter of fact, you usually realize you just get more and more things that have to be done!

The thing is, it is not what has to be done, but, how things have to be done.

How, meaning, with what attitude. (Are you doing it as an obligation, or are you trying to see the positive side of what you are doing?)

In what value (Is it important? Or maybe something has bigger priority)

With what motive? (Love or guilt?)

These are just questions you can ask yourself, when you are facing the big list of Musts and Have to.

The reason I mentioned the above, is because these do happen to be the first questions we can all answer and   can help us get a better picture of what is needed to be done.

Sometimes parents tend to do things, just out of obligation, and don’t take the time to take a deep breath, smile, and value all that they have, or spend time with what is most important to them.

 In other occasions, we just get our priorities mixed up! We tend to see what is relevant to what we feel in the time being, whether that is: I FEEL the house needs cleaning; I FEEL the need to rest and what may be under the surface, get’s sometimes forgotten. (Like your teenager daughter who may be insecure and needs a chat but doesn’t ask for it, or your son, who is spending 6 hours watching TV, but you are too busy to see, and set boundaries, or realize the negative effect it may have in the future with his social abilities)

Another thing is that some parents tend to give, through guilt. Guilt of not being there, guilt of not spending time with their kids etc.

These are just examples. Every situation is different, and it takes self examination and time for you to identify what might need to change.

Don’t go on a guilt trip. We’ve all done things wrong at some stage! The point is to get your priorities straight! And number one on the list is family.

The number one is being a parent that is part of a child’s life even with all the rest that is going on.

Uninvolved parenting is characterized by a lack of responsiveness to a child's deeper needs. Make few to no demands of their children and have little emotional involvement with their kids.

While they provide for basic needs like food and shelter, they are uninvolved in their children's lives. The degree of involvement may vary considerably. Some uninvolved parents may be relatively hands-off with their kids, but may still have some basic limits such as curfews. Others may be downright neglectful or even reject their children outright.

Children raised by uninvolved parents due to the absence of building a true relationship with a parent must then, learn to provide for themselves, face fear of becoming dependent on other people, are often emotionally withdrawn, tend to exhibit more delinquency during adolescence, develop fear, anxiety or stress due to the lack of family support, and have an increased risk of substance abuse.

A few facts to understand:

Understanding Uninvolved Parenting

Researches show, that children of uninvolved parents generally perform poorly in nearly every area of life. These children tend to display deficits in cognition, attachment, emotional skills and social skills.

Due to the lack of emotional responsiveness and love from their caretakers, children raised by uninvolved parents may have difficulty forming attachments later in life.

The complete lack of boundaries in the home makes it difficult to learn appropriate behaviors and limits in school and other social situations, which is why children with uninvolved parents are more likely to misbehave.

Parents who exhibit an uninvolved parenting style were often themselves raised by uninvolved and dismissive parents. As adults, they may find themselves repeating the same patterns they were raised with.

Other parents who display this style may simply be so caught up in their busy lives that they find it easier to take a hands-off approach to dealing with their children.

In some cases, parents may be so wrapped up in their own problems (i.e., being overworked, coping with depression, struggling with substance abuse) that they actually fail to see how uninvolved they are with their children or are simply unable to provide the emotional support their children need.

Take time and reflect on your priorities, and generally keep in mind the things that may be going on beneath the surface and still need your attention. Children usually don’t verbalize their needs, simply because they don’t know how to verbalize them correctly. Remember, the biggest gift to give your child is just YOU.


References:

Baumrind, D. (1967). Child-care practices anteceding three patterns of preschool behavior. Genetic Psychology Monographs, 75, 43-88.

Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56-95.

Bahr, S. J. & Hoffmann, J. P. (2010). Parenting style, religiosity, peers, and adolescent heavy drinking. Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs, 71, 539-543.

Maccoby, E.E. (1992). The role of parents in the socialization of children: An historical overview. Developmental Psychology, 28, 1006-1017.

Santrock, J.W. (2007). A topical approach to life-span development, third Ed. New York: McGraw-Hill. 

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